Well well well ... and so we meet again.
I know a while back I mentioned I was going to start incorporating blogs about life in general (work, human behavior, politics bla bla..) but I lied.
At least for this post.
I am pissed. And I'm sure many of you ladies will be too after reading this post simply because you can relate. I want you to be pissed, I want you to be all like "YES GIRL, PREACH!" because that's what female empowerment is ... being fucking pissed all. the. time.
Totally kidding. Calm down, women.
Anyway, have I mentioned I AM PISSED? Wanna know why? Get ready because I am not holding back so let's get right to it.
I started seeing this dude I met on Hinge (another dating app. Yes, I know I might've sworn off them but here we are. Get over it.) I truly mean this when I say I was about to delete the app when I started talking to this dude.
He was refreshing, sweet, kind, honest and seemed genuinely interested (don't they all!? *major eye roll*).
Anyway, after chatting for a few days we decided to meet so we met for drinks by my office and it was great. What was supposed to be a 1 hour date turned into 4 hours. He gave me a sense of peace and we had a great time. We agreed to date 2.
Date 2: Hockey game, drinks at a cool bar after, met some of his friends and BOOM first kiss. A strong 4.5 out of 5.
We had about 3 more dates after that including a dinner the night before Valentines day (I was busy on v-day). Kiss #8219821926 still a solid 4.5.
On this night he confessed and said "I have never met anyone like you and you are everything I have looked for" *swoons, melts, heart races etc etc...*
Needless to say I was excited about this guy.
Around that time I had one of my best friends come in from DC, then my mom came to visit and the person in question got the flu so we didn't see each-other for almost two weeks. No big deal. Seriously, no big. I was busy, life was happening and we had made plans to hang out after all the craziness.
This is where things start to shift. We had agreed on a day to meet but he had "something come up" so asked if we could reschedule and we did.
We went to a nice sushi dinner and after dinner made plans to meet up a couple days after. The day before we were supposed to meet I texted "We still on?" I was met with an "Oh! I forgot I made plans can we meet tomorrow or Saturday?" that's when my super serial-dating-expertise came into play and I was like ... ummm.... something is super fish (aka super fishy). This was the second time he had "something come up" so, I called it out. And I was right ... homeboy was checked out but gave me a long ass winded explanation.
I am not going to go into detail but here the jist of what he said "You are far too ahead of me and I can't give you what you want or deserve" and this my friends is when my Dominican/Colombian blood started boiling. While I was not aggressive, I did say my piece ((sp) peace? whatever. you get it).
In conclusion, it was over. What happened after was a series of realizations that I am about to lay down thick:
1. When this stuff happens you naturally seek out your friends/family. The advice is always the same (while well intentioned, it's stuff you are likely aware of and have already been doing to the best of your ability)
Focus on yourself for a bit (been doing it)
Put yourself out there (it's easier said than done but yes, I agree/know)
"Stop attracting guys that need fixing" (how do I identify these dudes? GIVE ME AN ANSWER)
"Your time will come" (yup... been hearing this for X amount of time)
"He's out there" (WHERE!? HELP!)
"Try therapy" (been doing it for 8 years w/ all kinds of therapists)
Heal (How much more healing can I do?)
Travel! (I have! But I also need to live and support myself so ... )
I have tried IT. ALL.
Now, I don't want to come off as ungrateful at all because I know my friends and family mean well but I have heard this stuff and I know it. Sometimes I just want to vent. Not to say that the advice is never welcome but in the heat of the moment, just let me vent. The advice can come later.
To all my friends and family reading: loveyoumeanit!
And now my thoughts for men out there:
1. I know I can speak for some women when I say I am sick and tired of men being so fucking insecure that they run at the sight of a woman having a badass apartment, a steady job, a solid group of friends and a voice - in other words have "her shit together" - They immediately assume "we are too much" and they run.
2. You don't get to decide what we deserve/want/need... that's your fucking problem if you don't think you have what it takes to "measure" up to us. So be sincere. Stop using your insecurity as an excuse. We are in this life battle together so suck it up.
An "I'm just not into you" is suffice but don't use the "you're a much better person than I am" excuse. Will the truth sting? DUH! But guess what? IT'S HONEST and I am an adult I can handle it.
3. Another excuse I got was "You can look at my bank account and see I can barely make rent" ...
First of all, I can give TWO SHITS about your bank account. I am not after money.
Do I want a broke dude? No. But I also understand we are all in this life trying to make it work so I can empathize.
4. I have heard the "you're the best I've ever had, but I'm not ready", "you're everything I've wanted, but I am not what you deserve", "you are the perfect wife material, but I still have stuff to figure out " blah blah blah so many times I've lost count.
and to all of that I say:
F U C K Y O U! Do you think women are looking for your validation to feel worthy? While it lifts our spirits and our hopes for a very very very very short period of time...
WE KNOW HOW BAD-ASS WE ARE AND WE DON'T NEED YOU TO REMIND US. So fess up, be an adult and simply say "I am just not into you".
Don't lift us up just to lay us down slowly and secure a slower burn. It doesn't work and it only serves YOU. It's a selfish move/tactic so that YOU don't have to feel uncomfortable. It's self serving and unfair.
Again, be honest!
So, to all men let me enlighten you: We don't need you; we want you. Your insecurity is proof that you need US. Be vulnerable, be honest, don't assume ... I promise we don't bite. We love you and want you as much as you want and love us. It's not battle for power, it's a partnership to find a common good ...
And lots of chocolate & sex.
Good night.