So this gem happened about 4-5 years ago in DC. I had been chatting with this guy I met online (obvi). Conversations were engaging, he was funny and to be quite honest he was SUPER HOT. He was from Serbia and had a really cool accent. He was charming and interesting. After about a week of talking (Who am I kidding? We were texting. Calling is so 1999) he invited me out to dinner. I was a little hesitant to be honest. There was something about him that seemed off but I ignored it and accepted the invitation.
Let's be real... since when do we listen to our gut? Amirite ladies!?
The day had arrived and I was looking forward to meeting this guy! He was seriously like a GQ model. Tall, had great style, he had blonde hair and blue eyes and very well kept. The guy was simply gorge.
I met him for dinner around 6:30 at this amazing tapas place. I saw him waiting inside and he looked EXACTLY like his pictures. I was swooning, drooling, blushing... all of the "ings". The guy was seriously drop. dead. gorgeous.
He saw me, I walked up to him, we said hello and then we embraced in a long warm hug as we melted in each others arms.
Except we didn't. It was more like a quick cold bro-hug.
The ambiance in this place was super romantic y'all. It was rustic, with dim lighting, lots of candles and a lovely patio with a firepit. We decided to sit outside by the fire and have some sangrias - which btdubs were AMAZING - and enjoy the 60 degree weather.
The conversation was going well. We were laughing and flirting. He was telling me about his life story and that's when things started getting interesting. Let me enlighten you:
He was an engineer who had moved to the states about 3 years ago to follow this woman he fell in love with...online. Red flag #1.
They broke up 4 months after they met/he moved because she was too independent, traveled too much for work and he felt lonely. Red flag #2
He didn't have job because they were supposed to get married and work towards getting his green card. Red flag #3
When they broke up he had nowhere to go, no money so he ended up moving in with some friends in a house of 6 guys. Red flag #4
At this point, I was trying to be empathetic vs being judgemental but something was telling that this dude was not looking for lovin'. He was lookin' for some savin'.
I was right.
Disclaimer: Never underestimate the power of a woman's intuition.
As the night progressed, he was getting super flirty, and showering me with compliments. All of a sudden he started selling himself like a desperate car salesman. He kept on repeating how great of a guy he was, that he would treat me like a queen and cook for me everyday ... the whole spiel.
But I was NOT buying it, my friends. No señor! A otra con ese cuento! (google translate if you don't speak the español language)
Check comes. He pays (duh!) and he walks me to my car. When we get to my car he starts saying what a dream this date was and that he would like to see me again. To which I agreed... for a hot second.
It was a hard NO after he said this:
"I honestly think you're the one. I would love for us to go on 2 more dates and if you're willing to I'd love to marry you. Truth is I need my green card and I need it quick. But I felt your energy and I know you can help me and we could definitely fall in love"
*cue Nick Young meme: spanish edition*
How does one respond to said "proposal"? By being awkward and stare in silence/awe. I did this for a solid 10 seconds. Call it the "Death Stare to end all Death Stares".
I have no idea what my face looked like but by his reaction he knew he only had a few more seconds to start walking away before The Death Stare Queen came to life.
And so he did.
I can't make this shit up.